


Ide x B Crackfic

by cottoncandy_cupcakes



Category: Death Note, Death Note: Another Note
Genre: Crack, God Complex, I'm so evol, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, Jam drunk, M/M, Panda-frog hybrid, crackfic, seems legit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 11:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10463748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottoncandy_cupcakes/pseuds/cottoncandy_cupcakes
Summary: Ide is the hawtest man B had ever seen.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I'm C. Please use the pronoun "pizza" when referring to me, instead of "he", "she" or "it". I lack a sense of humor lol.

"IDE IDE IDE IDE IDE IDE IDE IDE", said a random voice from nowhere. "OMG YOU'RE SO HAWT IDE LET'S HAVE SOME SEXY TIME TOGWTHER"

"What wtf who the hell are you, how do you know my-" le gasp. "WOAH YOU'RE HAWT OMF SOUNDS SO LEGIT! TO HAVE FRIGGIN SMEX WITH A RANDOM RED EYED DUDE I DON'T EVEN KNOW"

"YAYYY!!!!", cheered such red-eyed dude semeishly. "OMG OMG I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS! WHERE SHALL WE START?"

"WELL how about I meet your family first"

"Of course~!"

-Le timeskip-

"Woah! Your family is so cool!", said Ide while looking at the red-eyed dude's family, a bunch of pandas in a cage. Ryuzaki was there as well because, duh, B and L are brothers and they are both pandas.

"TIME IS OVER!", yelled Ryuzaki oh so cheerfully. "TIME TO BECOME A FROG!" So, with an impossible hop he ended in the frog's cage, bringing his one and only bae: laptop and cake.

"You think so~ AWWW BBY I LOVE YOU TOO" And the random dude that looked hella lot like L, which Ide hadn't even cared about knowing the name, wrapped his arms around his lover. Ide snuggled the panda cutie closer. "I love you too... uhhhh...."

"Please call me Ryuzaki."

"What? You can't be Ryuzaki! Ryuzaki is over there!"

"WELL... uh uh uh uh uh UHHHHH... THAT'S BECAUSE UHHHH" Why was his genius brain failing to him now? He couldn't even remember why he was named Ryuzaki! What was happening to him!

He knew what. He had fallen in the arms of a crackshipper. C, that psychotic bitch with a god complex. Toying around with B like if he was a toy. But B was sooo cracked he couldn't even get enough strenght to kill pizza. In fact, an idea came to his mind. "THAT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT RYUZAKI! I'M ANOTHER RYUZAKI!"

"WOAH MAKES SENSE. SO WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO NOW BBY?"

B's lips twisted into a rape face. "I know what we can do."

-Another le timeskip-

"MMMM! DRINKING JAM LIKE BEER IS SO TOTALLY NORMAL!"

"IDE IDE IDE BBY DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH YOU'LL GET DRUNK"

"Ehh eh ehh ehhh this is my 69th jar..."

"OHHH..."

"Heheheheh...", laughed Ide psychotically. "HEHEHEH AHAHHAH LYAHHHHHAA LYAHHHAH KYA."

"Oh so this is a laughter competence now? Just wait until you hear mine. ZOZOZOZOOO." (Wtf who laughes like that?) "NO NO, that's a horrid laughter." (At least you realized you fvcking idiot) "KYAHAHAHAHA", laughed that other Ryuzaki properly like s fvcking shinigami.

Ide's eyes widened. Ryuzaki was a fucking shinigami! How he had been as careless as not to notice? But Ide didn't cared. That just made Ryuzaki even more hawter. So he leered at B homosexually, and smirked in a rapist like manner. "SO, Ryuzaki", he purred.

Ryuzaki's face became as red as his crimson eyes at this faggotic tone in his lover's voice. "y-y-y-y-y-y" -he faltered 69 times until he got it rite- "yes, Ide?"

"I wanna make u mine, Ryuzaki. U are all I've always wanted. To meet a random dude with a diabolical eye color, meet his half panda half frog family, get jam drunk with him and then... have some smoking hawt yaoi time with him" He grabbed his skeleton hands and intertwined their fingers, careful not to break the bare bone.

"Ohh~ Ide, bby, I've always wanted somebody like you too~ but... question, question, who is gonna top?"

"Me, duh, you can't be seme."

"Uh... I-I'm not gonna top?"

"WELL DUH RYUZAKI JUST LISTENING AT HOW YOU'RE FALTERING AND LOOK SO MUCH LIKE FRIGGIN L! YOU CAN'T TOP WITH THOSE LOOK"

B suddenly felt rlly depressed. He had never been an uke in his life but now this random stranger yelling at him was making him so weak and smol. How could this happen? And he knew the answer again. It was friggin C's doing, duh. Pizza is god, and pizza does whatever pizza friggin wants to. 

But he was gonna do it. In the name of love. "Okei...", he muttered now sounding more like the uke he was going to be. "In the name of love"

"THE NAME OF LOOOOO-OOOOHH-- AHHHHHHHH-ve  
THE NAME OF LOOOOOOOO- OOOOOOH- AHHHHHHHH-ve", he sung in a girly voice. Changing papers to be an uke was already having this effects on him.

So, Ide started to kiss him and-

NOPE YOU WON'T GET ANY SMUT YOU PERVERT!

-Le timeskip all the smut-

B woke up sweaty and stinky, wrapped in Ide's arm. He couldn't remember anything that had happened, his vision blurry at first, until he tried to push that thing away from him and, "UHH", he groaned in pain as he realized how much his body hurt.

This couldn't be.

THIS COULDN'T BE COUULDN'T BECOULDN'T FRIGGIN B!

B... had been the uke?

How the hell did that happened? B had always been a top. But not any top, AN AGGRESSIVE ONE. Never once submissive, not even to red lights.

Wtt???

THE END FOLKS

**behind the scenes**

"OMG BB YOU GO SEDUCE IDE AND IF YOU FUCKING DON'T, ALL ADD CRACK TO YOUR JAM"

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME STUPID PSYCHOTIC BITCH"

"I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO!"

"WHATEVER, C. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!"

So, you guys know what happened next. I'm so evol :'}


End file.
